"Marsha Carrol has been working on a project to re-engineer the kumquat. Marsha?"

— Alex Trebek

"Brad, you crashed a Mongolian wedding. Tell us the story."

— Alex Trebek

"Matt is a dedicated hog-caller, but says he’s still after that blue ribbon. Matt?"

— Alex Trebek

"Danny, you once stole a bicycle from a clown. Then what happened, Danny?"

— Alex Trebek

"I understand you don’t trust Paula Abdul. Tell us more, Lauren."

— Alex Trebek

"So Stan, I heard you recently lost your favorite beach ball in a ball pit at IKEA. How did that happen?"

Alex Trebek

(Submitted by forsse90)

"Ted Unzer comes to us from Providence, Rhode Island, and the title character from Monk is based on him. Ted?"

— Alex Trebek

"Our next contestant is an up-and-coming physicist who also happens to be the stupidest, ugliest, most pathetic excuse for a human being I’ve ever seen. Welcome Dr. Banner — Wait…what’s happening?"

Alex Trebek

(Submitted by Nick)

"Jeffrey, you aren’t wearing any pants behind that podium, are you?"

Alex Trebek

(Submitted by kevinbabbles)

"Is it true that your 8 year old son discovered a comet, Roland?"

— Alex Trebek